Let’s talk about values. 

Values are principles people live by. They are also a product of the experiences you’ve had. Values are the things that make you tick and that drive you. Your feelings, thoughts, and actions, which result in your decision-making process, begin with your values.

Your family, your religion, and your community all influence your values. You are driven by your values, yet those values may not reflect what you really want out of life. 

Sometimes, your values are developed unconsciously from things you were taught. This can lead to your heart and your head not being in alignment, meaning that what your heart wants isn’t always the thing your head thinks is right — or vice versa. 

This can create a disconnect in your life, especially in your relationships. For example, if you aren’t communicating and living by your values, you may end up compromising rather than standing by your values. This can create a situation where neither you or your partner are happy and can eventually create mutual resentment — not where you want ANY relationship to be! 

I’m not saying all your values must be completely in sync. However, imagine if you had discussed these values early on and found that there were important values for each of you that didn’t align; you may have never started a relationship in the first place if you had this information from the start.  

Let’s look at an example from my life. When I got married, I thought that whatever I didn’t like about my wife, I would be able to change as time went on. And I think she believed the same was true for me. 

I have since learned a very important lesson: Do not go into any kind of relationship thinking that the things you don’t like in your partner can be changed over time. It’s safe to say that in almost every situation the other people in your life will not change. 

If you really want good relationships in your LIFE, you must accept people as they are and build from there. 

This is why it’s important to become the person you desire to be and be able to stand by those values — so the foundation of all of your relationships is solidly based on those values. This approach also helps you communicate clearly with others about what your values are, so they can identify for themselves if starting a relationship makes sense or not.

All of this leads to the understanding that every decision you make comes with consequences. The ability to be self-aware when you are entering into new relationships can only serve you for the better. 

A huge step in your transformation from your former life to the new life you want to create is recognizing whether you are choosing from passion or fear. Another way of saying that is this: Are you making decisions consciously or not?

I’d love to hear about your experience with these concepts. Think about a time you made a decision unconsciously, without consulting (or maybe without defining) your values. Where the results in your favor? Did you experience a different outcome when you started defining your values and making decisions consciously? Let me know in the comments what these experiences were like for you.