In 2008 I lost every penny I had. I lost not only my money but millions of dollars of investors’ and even my family’s money. I was in such deep debt, that family members had to step in and take over my finances, and set up a budget for me, my wife, and my family. I had to account for every dollar spent of the money that was coming in from my remaining real estate income. A large part of that money went to pay back vendors from my daughter’s wedding that took place just as everything had fallen apart. Eventually, I had to liquidate what remained of my real estate to repay the family losses when the dust settled from all the financial fallout. In the midst of all this, my wife asked for a divorce — on our 24th wedding anniversary!

This was all a lot to deal with. At the time, I didn’t have the tools I do now, and I slipped into depression. I ended up taking Wellbutrin for about 9 months to help me deal with the deep depression, but with my finances in such disarray, my health insurance lapsed. At this point, I couldn’t afford my medication and I was confounded about what I should do. 

On the one hand, I believed the pills were working. At the same time, I was starting to think that my depression was self-inflicted. Clinically it was called situational depression. The doctor I was seeing called it “stress response syndrome." Understandable when I was dealing with my world falling apart. But how could I move forward?

I thought about everything that had happened to me and what I could do to turn things around. I decided that my dependence on the medication was more of a mental and emotional state of mind. I had allowed my circumstances to dictate my depressive reaction. I was just beginning to become more self-aware of my emotions, feelings, thoughts, and actions, and how they are all deeply interconnected. 

Since this dark time in my life, I've come to understand that a person’s self-awareness is often heightened at low times in their lives. When things are going well, you’re usually riding on an emotional high, feeling like everything’s great. Even if they aren’t as perfect as they seem, you may rationalize that everything is ok, while judging yourself for complaining when things are “good.” So, you convince yourself the dissatisfaction is just fleeting thoughts distracting you from your amazing life.

When things are undeniably going wrong, however, you begin to question almost everything. You become introspective: Why, How, When, What now?! I went through this all! I started to realize that I could be the master of my emotions and turn my life around. 

It took about a year or so until I really understood what that meant. Going through life coach training was exactly what I needed to help me go deeper into the greater issues at play and understand how I could shift my mindset. I finally understood how to show up as myself — without the depression or anxiety — and it was incredible!

Let me be clear, this is not a state of being you can be in all the time. There will be times when you can’t control how you feel. But simply understanding I could control my emotions, instead of my emotions forever controlling me was like a breath of fresh air.

I made a conscious decision to stop relying on medication and stop feeling bad for myself. Instead of focusing on the situation and feeling stuck, I claimed responsibility for making a change within myself. 

At first, it was terrifying! Each time I felt depressed or anxious, I was worried I would revert to depression. Then, I would take stock of myself and think about what was going on. What I was feeling? What could I do differently this time? 

I would remind myself of the adage: “It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do with what’s happening.” This was my way of coping with the situation. Each time I started getting wound up, I reflected on this and my reaction would lessen. As I got better at it, it became more about transforming from reacting to responding. As I began to recognize the difference between the two, I worked to utilize the practice of responding as often as I could.

Understanding the difference between reacting and responding shifted my entire way of thinking about situations. Before this, I became reactive in almost every situation. I would “shoot first and ask questions later.” If you ask my ex-wife and kids, they may say I was such a reactor that it might be better to call me a ״Nuclear Reactor!” When I reacted, everyone in my vicinity was a victim of the fallout. I didn’t even see it in myself until this time of change. The change I’ve experienced after this realization has been so profound, I often refer to my old self as Martin 1.0 and new self as Martin 2.0.

So now that I’ve told you about what happened to me, I’d love to hear from you. Tell me some things that have happened to you and more importantly how did you act…Did you react or did you respond? Let me know in the comments below. :)